wait till they see your smile

9:57:00 AM

Wait till they see your smile

I’m not that choosy when it comes to music; jazz ,neo-soul, rhumba, reggae, ragga(I’m still campaigning for Elephant man to put an instruction-demo CD because these new dance styles aren’t friendly to some of us; and I am not old),house and techno-I try ok I cover my ears-what in God’s green earth is that noise? So maybe I caught myself with my own net, I don’t cocktail my music, I just sample in a Victorian manner. Top on my list is Neo-soul and Rhumba (zilizopendwa); I am my daddy’s girl, true story. When I work I have to be listening to either of the two, it’s for productivity. I am also proud to say all my Neo-soul albums are complete albums so I listen through and through, over and over, again and again until I get THE SONG. As I write, am  head popping to Lyfe Jennings’ 1st,2nd and 3rd full albums on shuffle but Must be Nice, Goodbye, S.E.X, Made up my mind and By the River are rotating more than all the rest wonder why I put it on shuffle. There is one album, however, that I have been unable to identify the song; Ayo’s Joyful album, wonderful, all songs are just too wonderful. Then there is the album of the moment which together with my best friend, KJ inspired this article.

Unlike Ayo’s Joyful album, my last two weeks have not been wonderful, they have been really rough, I have been in bed, lost two major deals that I had been chasing, sweating my ass off for only for competition to get them, how now? I think I am still in shock, but that’s a story for another day. Now I’m concentrating on the fact that its end month, there bills to pay, utilities; airtime, internet, transport, meet and greet money, shopping and the list goes on and on so yes I needed those deals but where was I? In bed cuddling with my friend, the seizures. Then there is this thing called competition, yep the vulture, I bet it is related to the serpent that gave Eve that apple. I  do not hate on it, I mean the fact that it is a vulture is enough self hate.

We all got competition and competition is good, that’s why governments have opposition to keep them on their toes, if they got feet. So if you are in any business, including the business of living, know there is an ugly looking flying around, pretending to be minding its business when it is actually minding your business from the top, that bird is called competition, hanging around, peeping at your exam paper. And as much as my bedroom is also my work room, someone out there was competing with me; give a girl some space to grow before you choke her, eish.

So my record speaks for me, I get this deal and there I was feeling I must be good. Mistake number one never think you are good, be good; thoughts don’t put shoes on them feet, action does and action is real work. So I was like a level ahead but I slept for two weeks and now I hear the competition speaking in the superlative (they got the deal because I have one of those unpredictable conditions-NICE!!!).

The Element of Freedom
So I have two options to roll over and sing along with the man after my very heart, Anthony Hamilton, if you catch me sleeping…Pass me over or sing along to our own Neema I choose to live, y’all better have that album, love and life it’s awesome. I will quote from it coz its helps me a lot, it’s my Diana Ross’ I will Survive; Neema GBU

I can lie down and die,
I can sit down and cry,
I can say its just life,
I can give up the fight,
I can say I won’t try,
I can say I won’t fly,
I can live in the lie,
But this is not the end
Sitasimama, Sitatulia,
Sitazimia, Sitakufa moyo,
Nitainuka, Nitasikika
I choose to live

These words are my mantra, ok I have a million mantra depending on the situation.If you are an album conscious person you already know who I owe my thanks for this article to and I can’t forget another silent person, my best friend KJ who is currently MIA but he knows he is forever loved. The All-So-Gracious Alicia Keys song Wait till they see you smile just did it for me.

So why I show my smile
I know it’s ironic that I can’t wait for the world to see me smile and I am stuck in the mud. If you have noticed, all my stories are based on my personal experiences so is my poetry, I got poor imagination. For one I know that a problem shared is a problem halved, but you have to be careful who you’re sharing with, them vultures are in all shapes, forms and sizes. Another factor is why you are telling your story. I don’t stomach pity parties, if you woiyee around me ooh you just asking for trouble. The Big Book says that if you be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and street corners, that they may be seen by men, they have received their reward. So if you want pity, humans are good at that, they will pity you and move on swiftly. I think if you have a story, a moment in your life that you need to let go of, you need to be at peace with yourself first before you tell your story. It took me six years to share my rape ordeal and still I can’t recount action for action to anyone, the most I have done is the poetic piece-Sun 15th which has consoled me since Sun 15th June 2003.When I go through my first ever poetic note book and see all those lovey dovey pieces I skip that piece, some call it denial, others survival, I call it what makes me sleep at night.

And even though I want to take the load off of me, I don’t rush it, the time will come, I started by sharing the piece on my FB notes and blog, got a few calls for interviews which failed miserably because I broke down, but through that I have meet ladies worse of, who didn’t have poetry to release their stress through, they didn’t read magazines of people high there who have been molested or raped, I love Joyce Meyer for who God has made her, they don’t have Neo-soul to make them feel pretty, Auto-bios that make them see its not their fault. So when they call or inbox, it’s up to me to be the stronger one, to be that poetry piece, that Alicia Keys song telling them wait till the world sees your smile. I have to console, let them know its not their fault, that that smile is not a form of the lips but a desire in the heart to move forth, to be respected, to respect oneself, to take no crap from no-one. That’s why I smile, it’s my insides out.

I stand before people and share my poetry and my smile. When I get a forum to mentor or just talk to girls I say all I have been through that has relevance to them with pride because I know God is always by my side and as long as I am here, I have to smile so that I can help someone, maybe not you reading this but someone you know, someone you will come across, someone who will need to know that its not their fault and you will be their smile and you will make them live through that day, that’s all we ever want, to see that smile, to know we can sleep through that day. So that’s why we smile.

Wait till you see my smile
When I dropped out of university and there were issues in the family, all we had was our souls. Today someone out there looks up at me as their fav poet, someone who can have a smooth faced model do their thing likes my pix well enough to ask me to do their product cover for a good price(yep every freckle on my face is exactly where it is suppose to be),someone who can hire an major events planning company would like me to do logistics for their event because I volunteered to do the Industrial Area Remand Prison Christmas Party, someone out there calls or texts to say, I heard you on radio and you made me tell my mum that dad touched me, I get invitation to go talk in schools. Though sometimes I don’t feel ready in my soul, I say no with a smile because that’s what people see first, the strength, the zeal, the love, the truth behind the smile. I know my teeth are too big for my mouth, missed the braces age but I smile either way,

Now, I stand strong, I have been in bed for two weeks, my deals passed me because they cant work with an unstable person but am stronger and better and I am ready for whatever saying uuuh wait till you see my smile, uuuh wait till they see your smile J

We go through mistakes, achievements, fears to pave a way for those to come. In her previous album, Alicia Keys had a song lesson learnt, those are our stories, they are lessons and after every lesson, we smile. They say it isn’t a mistake unless it’s repeated. Yes we smile, we may have no supper, no boyfriend, no friends, no one to sit with at lunchtime, no money for the rent and fare to go get other deals but you learnt the lesson and our smiles is all we got and we should flash it the best we way we know how, all you have is your soul and our smile is what reflects it, so wait till they see you smile,

I know I am not allowed to do this but I will do it because it touched me to my very pit, and gave me one more reason to get out of bed. I got it from my best friend when I was bed-ridden and just lost the big deals;

You have taught me a lot with regards to lessons in life.
In moments of distress you have maintained a positive approach towards life.
Despite the numerous misfortunes that you have encountered knocking you off your feet,
You have always found the energy to get off the ground and dust yourself off and push on.
I admire your endurance and will to not give up.
The modern day Coretha Scott Williams…..
That is why I am flashing my smile.

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  1. Such a brilliant post! We must continue to smile no matter what:)

  2. men,sitawa ur an inspiration...i actually heard of you today through facebook and i checked out ur various blogs and am awed. I have goose bums(pimples...wateva they r called) just reading your post cause i relate like you wouldnt believe......we need more of this in life...n how the hell did i go for so long without hearing about you???

    mad love...

  3. @midland, you met me at last, glad i inspire, follow me on my twitter @sitawaf or FB page, sitawa to know when am giving talks et al, curious which little birdie spread word about me to you(please reveal)

  4. will defntly follow u on FB,n lookin forward to atendin ur talks.I heard about u from Munene Mutuma(the actor) on fb. He had a photo of you there and on the side written inspiration..and it looked intrestin,plus thea was a link to ur blog..so i checked it out n the rest,lets just say...is history..plus the photo was kul lukd artistic free lyk.

  5. beautiful writting!! Beautiful! Glad 'choose the music' helped:)