Today I flipped

11:34:00 PM

I flipped but my joy didn't 
It is almost midnight and instead of the usual tossing and turning, I have my radio on, I am checking through social networks for small talk, status to comment on, I am catching up with familar and intimate strangers, titles of movies I watched today, trying to pinch my visuals for today I flipped and I am afraid to sleep, just in case I slip and flip again.
What happened
I was doing my laundry and out of the blue I went to my purse and removed a hundred shilling note. I started looking for it's zero for I wanted my aunt to buy me a Biology text book for my Mock Exams despite the fact I was in form four way back in 2002. I cannot recall this happening for immediately after I went back to my clothes and life went on until I heard the househelp whisper with the next door lady. I didnt think they were talking about me until my aunt gave me back the hundred shilling note and the egg shelly walk the house help had around me summed up. I am still digesting this, looking at all the possibilities, thinking what would have happened if I was in a meeting, pitching for an event, hanging out with someone I admire. As much I give others support and lead the youth-led mental health campaign, I too get weak and I felt vulnerable, called my allies, the very people i thought had my back turned their backs.Initially I felt ashamed but it happened, today I flipped, if I could change it, maybe I could but it helped me see the joy riders so I didnt what I do best, I wrote five pieces and this post is a summary of them, maybe like Sunday 15th I will one day share them. I have put a few lines from them on my twitter and Facebook and a few people have asked what my evening parables mean, for those who missed them, check my twitter (@sitawaf) or Facebook (Sitawa Wafula) and see if you can join the dots.

Am I afraid?
Yes I am and I am not sure if I am afraid I flipped and that I may flip even more in the days to come given my recent impromptu seizures or that I thought I had a friend in some of you and you saw me 'crazy' as I tried to described today and said you will call back after this and that. Maybe I am still awake because I am waiting for you to call back as you said you would. I wont bother you with a call or text, I will let you have you time. Maybe I am not afraid, maybe I am stronger than I take myself to be. I had trances last year but those where between attacks not on a lovely sunny morning. Whatever they are, yes they shake me and I maybe afraid to sleep because I might wake up head in toilet bowl but that doesnt make me hate the person I am. I love Sitawa, she aint perfect but she is the best Sitawa Wafula I know and 'crazy' 'normal' she is still THE BEST.

PS: I AM PERFORMING AT WAPI KIBERA AND FLIPPING FLAPPING FLOPPING I WILL BE THERE, BEEN A WHILE SINCE I DID A SET...TO THE COMEBACK!!!

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6 comments

  1. ...i believe in u... tell the world about what they thought they knew... only tell it to them the right way...

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  2. Flipping or not, what matters is you love yourself and that will help you through everything.
    Stay strong

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  3. @kreativpolycap and stylifiq thank you for the support

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  4. still love and adore you sensei,you brought me to the poetry world,and all i am its cause you took that second to say 'hi'
    am here for you,nomatter how far/distant/impossible it may seem,
    thank you or being more than a friend,thank you for being my mentor.
    kaffy is here for you,flip or not,am here to stay

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  5. @kaffy and paul thank for reading, pass it on and let us inform the world

    ReplyDelete