Today I flipped

11:34:00 PM

I flipped but my joy didn't 
It is almost midnight and instead of the usual tossing and turning, I have my radio on, I am checking through social networks for small talk, status to comment on, I am catching up with familar and intimate strangers, titles of movies I watched today, trying to pinch my visuals for today I flipped and I am afraid to sleep, just in case I slip and flip again.
What happened
I was doing my laundry and out of the blue I went to my purse and removed a hundred shilling note. I started looking for it's zero for I wanted my aunt to buy me a Biology text book for my Mock Exams despite the fact I was in form four way back in 2002. I cannot recall this happening for immediately after I went back to my clothes and life went on until I heard the househelp whisper with the next door lady. I didnt think they were talking about me until my aunt gave me back the hundred shilling note and the egg shelly walk the house help had around me summed up. I am still digesting this, looking at all the possibilities, thinking what would have happened if I was in a meeting, pitching for an event, hanging out with someone I admire. As much I give others support and lead the youth-led mental health campaign, I too get weak and I felt vulnerable, called my allies, the very people i thought had my back turned their backs.Initially I felt ashamed but it happened, today I flipped, if I could change it, maybe I could but it helped me see the joy riders so I didnt what I do best, I wrote five pieces and this post is a summary of them, maybe like Sunday 15th I will one day share them. I have put a few lines from them on my twitter and Facebook and a few people have asked what my evening parables mean, for those who missed them, check my twitter (@sitawaf) or Facebook (Sitawa Wafula) and see if you can join the dots.

Am I afraid?
Yes I am and I am not sure if I am afraid I flipped and that I may flip even more in the days to come given my recent impromptu seizures or that I thought I had a friend in some of you and you saw me 'crazy' as I tried to described today and said you will call back after this and that. Maybe I am still awake because I am waiting for you to call back as you said you would. I wont bother you with a call or text, I will let you have you time. Maybe I am not afraid, maybe I am stronger than I take myself to be. I had trances last year but those where between attacks not on a lovely sunny morning. Whatever they are, yes they shake me and I maybe afraid to sleep because I might wake up head in toilet bowl but that doesnt make me hate the person I am. I love Sitawa, she aint perfect but she is the best Sitawa Wafula I know and 'crazy' 'normal' she is still THE BEST.


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  1. ...i believe in u... tell the world about what they thought they knew... only tell it to them the right way...

  2. Flipping or not, what matters is you love yourself and that will help you through everything.
    Stay strong

  3. @kreativpolycap and stylifiq thank you for the support

  4. still love and adore you sensei,you brought me to the poetry world,and all i am its cause you took that second to say 'hi'
    am here for you,nomatter how far/distant/impossible it may seem,
    thank you or being more than a friend,thank you for being my mentor.
    kaffy is here for you,flip or not,am here to stay

  5. @kaffy and paul thank for reading, pass it on and let us inform the world