Would you rather slap yourself all day or be high?

10:22:00 PM

On the streets during the Kenya ni Kwetu love protest...I helped Boniface Mwangi w/ logistics
  Seriously I am so very high right now, am I afraid I might say so many things while typing but the fact that I read most serious, forget the tweeters and facebook poets who tag you on every single poem they do, write their pieces when they are high or in pain, Adele, the same one who set fire to the rain, makes a grand living out of pain...I bet that boy has a mental illness by now, this will be my best post ever.

Why back to meds

I got on these new meds last week Friday and they make you high, then they make you delusional, then you black out, wake up so tired and weak and by the time you are about it gain your strength, it is time to take the next dosage...I mean if this is not the whole Amargedon - 666,how many 6s are they, thing, you cannot convince me otherwise. ooooh I forgot I get very loud when I wake up and the eating let me not go there then I am happy-ish, you know the care free high happiness which I am not sure is good or bad. Here are what I got online when I first got them

It further said in another search;

...and I tweeted happily about it because it is not that serious until it is serious RIGHT? You see life had been going on well until I started slapping myself, literally...my left hand got out of control ,I would be doing my thing then out of the blue booom my hand slaps me, without warningand it started affecting me psychologically. Here is a 8 min video my girl shot (ok i am not slapping myself here but it shows how my left hand misbehaves)

I write this blog post to show the balance 'for those of us' who can afford the mediation once in a while, and they say diamond is the most expensive thing, they haven't tabulated medication that aside; my question is what am I doing,fighting to make sure that persons with mental illnesses and epilepsy have medication when the medicine makes us 'worse off?' OK I know of success stories, but we need quality meds nothing like that American or abroad aircraft that once threw stale or dog mea to our starving sisters and brothers, I will get my fact straight once am sober but there is a story like that.

I had managed staying without medication for such a long time, I did my exercise, I even had a gym membership card and a personal trainer, I was watching my diet, I was on top of things but as I had earlier mentioned, you can never cancel out a relapse and that is where intervention comes in and if this is intervention, sleeping half  day, being high the other half what options do I have, slapping myself silly and being psycholoigically damaged not to mention stigmazised which does not realy get ot me or being high in the name of taking care of the situation.

Mental illnesses need to be taken seriously, it is not about going to a doctor and describing signs and symptoms, getting any drug you have never used then we see how it works. We are humans, we are girls who do not want to get so fat, yes I said fat because it is one of the side effects and not only affects our esteem but there is heart issues and so many other things, we want to attend meetings and not be  asleep all day, hell I want to finish this Tyler Perry's For Better or Worse series that I have been trying to watch all weekend. I would personally want to climb a flight of stairs without panting like I have been on a Karate training session, ooooh and I love sleeping but waking up at 11am, which I did today, then sleeping at 3 and waking up at 6 and already feeling sleepy now at 11 is not good for me as a girl who recently celebrated her birthday who blew her candles and wishes for a husband, her own house and growth in her business in the backward order. I know there is man of my dreams but sleeping all day is not value for money, I want to marry a real human being complete with dating and the tiffs and this whole scene is not working for me. In a nut shell, we are not g.pigs for y'all to come try your big named meds on us and wny do you give them long names huh? It is part of the conspiracy right...I think I can now understand why getting a white hen and taking to a traditional faith healer sounds more appealing even to the 'learned'.

Last but not least.I love my country, I would like to contribute to the building of this country, I love what I do which is a lot if I start listing the post will get diluted. I would like to do more but I cannot do that when I am slapping myself silly neither can I do it when I am high on meds that I have not overdosed on or asleep because they make me drowsy. I would like to fight for my own rights because I know them, I want to vote come the next general election but I cannot do it if the less than 100 doctors meant to treat 40 Million Kenyans just sit listen to signs and symptoms and write any meds for us, I cannot do it if we do not have a Mental Health policy to enable me and many others like me to know what is best for us and how to ask for it, I cannot do it if I am asleep or high, I think I already said that oooh I cant do it when I am not making a living and depending on others reducing GDP or whatever they taught me in Actuarial School or the NSE or somewhere clever I once visited.

We are 25% of the population, yes check around you one in every four persons has a mental illness or is on their way to getting one so if you do not join us in this fight against getting high, you work in vain somehow to raise Kenya's bar. What is that thing they say, when you wake up and you are not in the Forber top 100 go to work, I say if you wake up and you are not thinking of the 25% of Kenyans with mental illnesses Vision2030 manifesto is what I am about to flash in the loo (yes I am blogging from the loo, thoughts flow better here)

There are loads of medicines that should be made available to us but because we do not know we do not get them, there is another saying that sounds like that...damn I love high me. I cannot fight any more if I am in bed not because of an attack but because of medicine I am on. I have no relatives out of the country and not even the money to ship the medicine and yes I can get medicine because of the people who support my work but why should it be shipped when my own government should provide it for me at the primary health care unit regardless of who I am.

I lost myself somewhere in this post, but what I want to put across is that I love my country, I am a person with enough mental issues, diagnosis is hard in this country and I want to make it better, I cannot stand two consequtive classes of anything...I have bohemian tendercies but we need more people joining uni to study and specialize in mental illness, we want medicine that is readily available to the primary medical care units especially with devolution coming through, people need to be aware of their illness and medication to avoid overdosage and inactivity and worse off wrong diagnosis. Most of all, if you understood nothing get this;Persons with mental illness can also help in the building of this nation. I am one of them, I do not want to slap myself all day, I do not want to be high all day...I just want to be. You can help me by spreading this post and keep the mental health convo going on, accepting someone you know with a mental illness, hosting a support group even if you do not have one, inviting us to do awareness drives...signing a petition to speed up the process or tweeting that you support persons with #mentalhealth issues and yeah just for kicks you can follow me @sitawawafula

Goodnight beautiful souls.

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  1. Interesting post. I can tell you were a little - shall I say - in the clouds.
    As far as meds are concerned, personally, I've been off mine for years now. Aside from the expense, I just didn't want to become too dependent on them. Sure, some bouts are really bad but I think I'm managing alright.
    I still take some for my anxiety, but not on a strict regimen.
    To answer your title, I'd rather be high. Lol. That's only because reality is so much more fun when I'm elevated ;-)

  2. thanks for sharing your story and lifting the veil on mental illness especially here in Kenya where we prefer not to talk about it. You're one brave woman!!

  3. Wow that's an awesome piece, I'v alwayz believed have bribed their way to kenya with the help of kenya bureau of standards, I just hope this would reach the ministry of health,there might b others out there suffering,this deserves a hearing be in parliament or just up there,thanx