Being Intentionally Intentional

4:06:00 PM

In August 2014, when admitted at Psych Ward...high as a kite from meds

In August 2014, I was admitted in the psychiatric unit of Avenue Hospital,  in December that same year, I had severe depression to near suicide making it the second consecutive holiday that I had had a huge blow. As the end of 2015 approached, and so many things in my life were falling apart, I knew I was most likely to have depression for the third year running and this one had the potential of being the worst of them all.

Being Intentional

Earlier in this year, the house on my right fell vacant and my landlady who is like a mother to me, asked that I join her in prayer for a good tenant (and neighbour for me). Before long, MK moved in with her family and we started with the simple greetings mostly in the morning or evening when I was either going or coming back from my run. Little did I know she would be my God sent Titus 2 woman…an answer to intentional and specific prayer.

One evening after my usual runs, she asked if I could help her with her workouts. I agreed and before long, we began with morning walks as she hadn’t worked out in a while and running would be torture at that early stage. During those walk sessions, which have finally escalated to jogging sessions, we got to know each other better and I learnt she is a woman of faith with so much wisdom. Though she is grateful that I am helping her physically, I am the one who is most grateful for how she pours into my life every single day we have our sessions.

As I was thanking God for her (because sometimes we ask and forget to give thanks - this is where you pause and give thanks for How amazing He has been to you), I remembered my landlady’s request and how she was intentional and specific about who she wanted in her house as a tenant and how she encouraged me to present to God who I wanted as a neighbor and that is exactly what happened.

Being Intentionally Intentional
For some reason (maybe for you to get this post) I kept digging deeper into this and my attention was drawn to December 2015 and my quest for a depression free December.

I noted about being intentional is not just about the ask itself and how specific we get (and how quick we are to say thank you when He comes through) but also about preparing for it even before it comes through…it is about the things we need to stop or start doing before the ask comes through and the things we need to stop or start doing after the ask has come through. In pregnancy, they call it pre and ante natal care…there is the actual giving birth (fruition of the ask) but then there are checkups and stop drinking, start exercising, watch your diet conversations before and breastfeed and child proofing the house type of conversations after. Unfortunately some of us want to be pregnant without the protruding belly…we want it to have the baby without everything that comes with having a baby, all factors kept constant. That was me at the beginning of the year, I wanted a depression free December...scratch that, that has been me for the last 14 years, I wanted to be where i am now, I have been seizure free with no bouts of depression and episodes of mania for almost one year now, something I have asked for for a long time but never counted the cost for.  

After 14 years of nothing but that seizures, hospitals, meds, weeks in bed and mania, it took me a minute to get my bearing…who am I kidding, I have literally spent the better part of the year mark timing, resisting the change, waiting it out, pushing loved ones out for months on end when I should have been embracing‎ the change happening in me and around me and fitting into my new shoes.‎..i was literally those pregnant women who still insist on their old clothes when in trimester 2. I have to say it hasn’t been the best of experiences but I am glad I know better now and have learnt about being intentional at a deeper level.

Maybe like me your struggle has been a mental health condition or two and you want to get out of that space, maybe you have had an unpleasant beginning of the year and would like the last months of 2016 to account for something, maybe you want to leave your job or take a leap of faith and start a business or a ministry…whatever your ask, be intentional about it, get specific. Anyone who know me knows I love lists and vision boards…but today I would love us to go a little deeper, yes you have your plans all spelt out on your fancy board and gotten an accountability partner and are all prayed up about it but how is the pre and ante natal side of things? Are you prepared for the transition? How are your eating habits? Your sleeping habits? Are you exercising? So you have lost that weight you wanted, how are you maintaining the new one? 

As I embrace the new things that have come with my ask (will be sharing my them soon) I would like to challenge us to sit down and count the cost of our asks. (Lk 14: 28-32 speaks about counting the cost of stuff) If you are getting into business and your money handling skills are lacking, handle that now before the business blossoms, if you are thinking of a holiday in December like i am because 2016 has to be celebrated, start working for those destinations now and have something left over in January when the parties are done and the rent is due... If it is mental health issues like me know your triggers and handle them then work on events and people and spaces to be at when you are no longer locked up in the house when depression doesnt visit as often as it used to. I am late to the party but it is never too late to child proof the house now it is?

Sending you love and light as your get intentional because your MK is ready to move in next door and bless you on the daily, but dont stop there, get all intentionally intention and remember i am counting on you not to go all new wine on old wine skin on Jesus like i did.

PS: Dealing with mental health conditions or any other life situation is not just about being mindful and in this case intentional...there are many other factors...It is a process full of protruding bellys (not just one) but it is worth the might want to give up so many times, i know i have wanted to and i have given up alot of times but that is what being intentionally intention is all about...mine has been a 14 year journey, i was in my teens when i began it and now i am in my 30s and i am beginning to dream again, to picture how my life would have been if it wasnt for this illness. I am proud of everything i have done despite the illness, everything  have accomplished because of it but now i want to know life out of dont give up on yourself, do not give up on your ask, be intentional and specific about, work those pre and ante natal care plans then embrace the grey because that too is part of the process. Love you all

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