The Bible says He will never give us more than we can handle, a few days ago  I updated  my facebook highlighting all the things I am on about, school work (yes I took myself back to school) reclaiming my poetic voice( performed at Slam on the 20th were I had the honor of gifting the winner), running the mental health campaign(you all know what we are onto with the bill and stuff) and the list goes on, that was me counting my blessings. I believe blessings are things around us, people we already have in our lives, our parents, our best friends, our relatives, our experiences...whenever I get a seizure attack, I come back to my blog and get strength from within literally, I inspire myself, I remind myself God's love for me. At times I just read blog posts about me and that is all the inspiration I need and deep down I count that as a blessing.

Today in church we learnt about seasons, they come to our lives but they are not permanent, that God is a strategist and He did not plan for you and me to stagnate. To me that meant yes those blog posts do stuff but there needs to be more than the same thing over and over again.When Pastor Jesse went on about this message and what maturity is; understanding what season one is in and maximizing it, I felt that all this time I did not understand what season I am in so I always wanted to suckle milk instead of chewing on some bones. I guess sometimes we need to get cut by the razor to know that is actually can cut and not cry for it next time.

I am a PHENOMENAL WOMAN.I have done stuff and I am on my way to do even greater stuff if I grow up(by the definition of maturity). Our scripture reading today was from Joshua 3 when Joshua was taking God's Children to the promised land and the Bible says in Joshua 3:15 that the Jordan is at flood state during harvest, meaning there is a bad season and good season intertwining and we have to hold on and believe in God to move forth. I am so ready to move forth because God did not intend for me to have all the things I described in the suicide post.

After church I got a glimpse of the Standard which had my mum's sister on it, Rose Naliaka the only female professional golfer in Kenya. who is changing lives through golf. Reading through, I saw a woman who held on. I saw strength from within but I also remembered that there comes a season when you do not see the season, that you lose the reason. I remembered back in high school I said I will never play any other sport after my aunt Veronica Masinde died in a road accident on November 22,1999 after a basketball game. She was married to Basketball Coach George Namake, those who follow Kenyan Basketball may know him, and she played for Eaglets. Her last game was against KPA in Mombasa, God rest her soul in peace...Love the fact that her basketball spirit leave through my kid bro, Georgie, who plays for the church team and her son Brian.

                     

When I joined the gym ok aerobics class this week, my vow came to me, that I will never play any sport or engage in any physical activities. I think we fail in so many things because when a season to let go on someone or something comes and we have a book of reasons why we should hold on, then another we should be patient and wait for God's time but we rush things, we get into relationships that are not worth our salt, start businesses that we are not passionate about so within no time they fail and we get into depression and feel like total failures, worthless.

I bet Auntie Vero would have liked to know I am still playing no. 5 on the basketball team, getting all the rebounds and get lifted. Exercise just does that to people, last week in that aerobics class was divine, can't wait for 6.30p today to go get lifted. My prayer for everyone reading this is to stop and drop everything that is pulling you back. Stop and see what season you are in, if you are school, move on from just being a student to being a role model one, i failed my KCPE but made it through high school to pursue an Actuarial Science degree because I stopped and dropped all the negativity around me and I surprised myself with the scores I got all through my final two years of high school even becoming a prefect. I had no job and we had no money because of my illness but look at me now. The road is not always smooth, the seasons overlap and intertwine and one in awhile it  destabilise me but I get back on my feet...a saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up ,goes the song.

Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, it is never too late to move on maturely. Look at your pockets, who is best suited to be friends, who shares your vision, that is who you should surround yourself with. Also remember it wont be a smooth road, withdrawal symptoms will be many but hold on hold on hold on...God did not intend for you and I to stagnate.

I leave you with pix of me at my aunt Golf Academy two years ago...this was really embarrassing, watch and laugh silently.